What Shadows Do We Want to Cast?

Recently when I was doing the T1DecaMan challenge, I snapped a photo of my shadow in the setting sun, and I got to thinking about the shadows our lives cast.

What legacy are we leaving? Is it important? ARE we leaving anything? What will people say about us when we hang up our hat and step over the horizon into the mists of memory?

There are no right answers, only the questions. But questions provoke thought. Thought provokes insight, and from that insight comes a sense of purpose in the here and now that cannot be denied.

Without that purpose, the sun sets each day on an unlived life, one that could have made a difference.

Hungry ghosts

No one told you when to run; you missed the starting gun.

— Pink Floyd, Time

In eastern philosophy, there is a concept called a “hungry ghost.” They’re described as supernatural beings, typically the ghosts of ancestors, filled with an insatiable hunger or thirst for what they did not achieve in life. Picture Gollum from Lord of the Rings: ghoulish appearance, bloodshot eyes, thin arms and legs, a tiny mouth and a malnourished, distended belly. In Chinese tradition, hungry ghosts are driven by basic, animalistic needs, all that is left of their humanity; and in the cycle of existence, it is difficult for them to cultivate enough good karma to rise from their maelstrom of negativity and redeem themselves. They have walked through the door to hell and locked it behind themselves. Worse, in many cases, they drag those closest to them down the same hole.

It’s all too easy to come home at the end of the day, plop down on the sofa after a rushed dinner, and fall asleep watching reruns of American Pickers. Then one day you wake up, angry at the world for not telling you to get up and do something.

The reason many people don’t do anything is that they can’t find a reason. But there is ALWAYS a reason.

A chance realization

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

T. S. Eliot

The T1DecaMan involved doing the same sport repeatedly for multiple days. I found myself in the same places again and again and again, multiple days in a row. When you’re exposed to anything repeatedly, you get to know it better.

I found that as I opened my mind to what I hadn’t seen the day before, I started to wonder: how long ago had that tree fallen into the creek, what animals lived there when it was alive, and what life did it nourish now, even in its demise? What was that crane searching for in the water? How did it learn to fish? I become fascinated by the nests of grass spiders, grateful for the shade that I knew was coming, and when I sat down on a park bench for just a few seconds, I would think, hello, old friend.

I also realized that, as Seals and Crofts so beautifully put it, “we may never pass this way again.“

You realize that everything in the world is transient, connected, and beautiful, even the sucky parts like blisters and saddle sores. And you learn: the sun is not so bad to run in when you know the shade is coming. Out there, some animal with a high metabolism is enjoying the hot, 95-degree day just as you are tempted to curse it. What a privilege it is to be here, you think instead, enjoying the chance to fully experience my body’s capabilities!

Realizing that each day is a precious gift that should not be wasted is reason enough to get up and go do something.

Even if it is just a little something.

Giving back

You cannot leave a positive legacy without gratitude and action.

Gratitude, I believe, is why people give back. They realize that whatever they have, it is worth sharing, and they are free enough from what might drag them down to be able to lift others up by example. Sometimes it’s not even a conscious effort, but more of a world view. They want to make a difference, so they do.

BECAUSE of that realization of transience, they discover that the time to find a cure is NOW; BECAUSE of that impermanence, the time to sort out their priorities at work is NOW. BECAUSE time is passing, the time to chase their dreams is NOW. The time to be kind is NOW. The time to LIVE is now, in this moment.

Such people feel uplifted and free, and in that freedom, can uplift and free others.

But to free others, they must get involved.

Giving hope

When I first started being active in 2004, it was because of the horrid realization that I was slowly losing my vision to retinopathy from decades of neglect toward my health. I knew in my mind that things hadn’t been getting better for the last 30 years, but maybe tomorrow they would. Except I no longer believed it. That was my dirty little secret. I was angry at myself and everyone else for not digging me out of the hole I had fallen into when I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in 1972.

When I got the proliferative retinopathy diagnosis, I could have quit right there and hung up all hope of living a “normal” life. After all, the cure that was supposed to come in 5 years was already 30 years overdue.

But I was inspired by my wife Leslie’s determination to see me finally help myself, and the handful of people around me, including Jeff, Julie, and Carol, who seemed to have diabetes management figured out. Even once I realized they didn’t have it all figured out, I still held hope that at some point, one of us would, and share what they’d learned. We weren’t struggling alone. We could lean on each other, borrow tips, and take charge. They were grateful for the health they had, full of self-efficacy, and willingly and actively sharing their hope; and it was contagious.

Those people’s positive actions touched my life and made it better. That was when I started to feel like I could make a difference in my own life, and in doing so, maybe help someone else.

It kind of surprised me when I discovered I actually was helping. When I was running across the US, dozens and dozens of people stopped by the van to talk to Leslie and share their stories about how they, their husbands, wives, sons, or daughters struggled with finding answers to difficult challenges type 1 diabetes presented to them. I didn’t have all the answers, but they often said that they were uplifted by the fact that someone was out there looking, trying things out, experimenting, and seeing what was possible.

But my example, as happy as I am to have shared it, is not unique, nor is it particularly important; and you don’t have to look very far to find more inspiring everyday examples.

My youngest niece, for instance, chose health and fitness as the direction to follow in her life. Not a day goes by that I don’t smile when I see one of her Facebook posts about group exercise classes, tips for making hard fitness goals more doable, or just sharing the joy of being active. Likewise, her husband created–from scratch–a yearly powerlifting event in Mississippi that has attracted numerous sponsors and competitors from around the country. Sure, there are awards, but I think many of the participants just love seeing what they’re capable of. I’m more proud of my niece and her husband than I can say, because their legacy, already established, is one of thankful people who discovered at some point that TODAY was the day they amazed themselves by taking ownership of their health and wellness and discovering what great things they could accomplish.

Or look at the 650 members of Diabetic Ultra Endurance Athletes on Facebook, or the 16,000 members of the Type 1 Diabetic Athletes group. Every one of those people has a story that is quietly inspiring someone else. And all they had to do was be there and be helpful.

Our lives don’t have to cast very long shadows to touch someone else’s. They just need to be lived, intentionally, with joy, hope, gratitude, and kindness.